Monday, July 23, 2012
I did not pay $18 for this shit!!
I wait for another minute and the blabbering continues and continues until I decide that the time has come. I have to tell them to shut the hell up before I spontaneously combust with rage. But I think... OK deep breaths! No stabbing. You can do this and not be violent. Try to be nice! Think nice, polite thoughts. You can do it! So I turned around, for the tenth time in 5 minutes, and tried to decrease the DEF CON level 5 death ray shooting out of my eyeballs and said "Could you please be quiet?" and they said "yes, sorry" and no stabbing had to take place! It was amazing! They were even quiet for the rest of the movie which was a freaking miracle and a half. Now I feel like I will be able to take on any and all movie talkers. I might become a movie talker vigilante taking justice into my own hands and silencing talkers everywhere, well at least in Fremantle where I go to the movies. I will take on the blatant loud talkers, that have entire conversations that have absolutely nothing to do with the movie. I will also strike down people that are attempting to whisper but that don't actually know the key steps to whispering. I will go through a step by step process for whispering just to lay it all out on the table for those who can't seem to get the hang of it. I know what you are thinkin... who the hell can't whisper? We are not talking complex problem solving thought processes here! Yet through my movie going experiences I have found that there are many people who suffer from unable to whisper-itis. You may recognise them from these telling symptoms, 1. Using either loud or normal volume voices while attempting to whisper. 2. Trying to whisper without actually leaning in toward the whisperee. 3. The whisperer may seem unaware they are in a movie theatre. 4.They might wonder why it's so dark and why the TV is so big. If you or someone you know have been experiencing these symptoms I can confirm that you suffer from unable to whisper-itis. Now what you need to do is A. Be aware that when you buy your ticket to get into the movie you are no longer in your house, there are lots of other people in the theatre with you and they don't wanna hear you! B. When attempting to whisper you need to actually lower for your voice in order for this technique to be effective.
C. Lean in toward the person you are whispering to and point your quiet little mouth in the direction of their ear. D. Keep it short and sweet and to the point. This is not the time to discuss your dissertation on skinny jeans and why they make grown men turn into pre-pubescent boys, save those burning questions for after the movie. If you can stick with this easy program you too will be able to master whispering. If you can't master whispering please just shut the hell up for the entire movie so I don't have to come over and stab you in the eye with the pointy end of my ice cream cone.